Kidogo kidogo hujaza kibaba

Madeline Watts, Duke Divinity School student and 2014 Umoja Project intern  

The phrase kidogo kidogo hujaza kibaba has become my motto while staying in Kenya. The phrase is a proverb that translates, “little by little you fill the pot,” and has become a metaphor for the way I have and will continue to approach the variety of things I learn while living here. Although the proverb’s original intention was to teach about the benefits of saving a little money at a time, I have come to see it as an illustration for the little pieces of information I have been gathering to fill my pot of knowledge and understanding.

Without a doubt, the greatest struggle I have had thus far is reconciling the discrepancy between my personal wealth and the wealth, or lack thereof, of the people I encounter every day. I’ve spent a lot
time reflecting and even discussing with Lori what it means to be wealthy, or what it means to be generous. I’ve been meaning to write this blog for several weeks, and every time I sit down to write, the words I find are not adequate. I’ve written and rewritten, and I’m honestly still not content. It’s a continuing struggle. In fact, it’s this struggle that makes me feel very much like Jacob.

Jacob wrestles with God and in the process incurs a hip injury that changes not only his name, but the way he walks. The more time I spend here, the more I wrestle, and honestly, the more I am injured. (Metaphorically speaking, of course.) I am grateful for this injury because I hope it will effect the way I walk when I return to America. I suppose I tell you all of that to say, I’ve chosen to go ahead and publish this blog to let you know about the ideas I am wrestling with, but also to make you aware that the struggle is far from over because I don’t know that there is a solution, an answer, nor a resolution.

The needs in this area are overwhelming. I could say the needs of the country are overwhelming, but I have only experienced the needs of the Chulaimbo area and don’t wish to overgeneralize. The reason the Umoja project began in this particular area is because of the overwhelming concentration of widows and orphans, mostly as a result of HIV and AIDS. To give you a glimpse, one of the schools we visited has 230 students, 103 of them are sponsored by Umoja. Not every school has a percentage that high, but between 18 schools Umoja sponsors about 3,000 primary (elementary) students. The need is so great that the people here recognize it, but are paralyzed either from the sheer volume of need or because they find themselves at an equal disadvantage to those they feel they should help.

Just the other day we had a conversation with the Kenyan director Joseph about the struggles congregations face. As a Christian, one of my first thoughts is to ask where the church is in all of this? How are they helping? Just like anywhere else, the congregations are made up of people from the community. The guardians, teachers, parents etc. who often struggle for even the most basic needs are the congregation. Yet, they tithe, and are encouraged to assist in contributing to the needs of the community. All the while, they themselves are the people in need. I hope that makes sense. Perhaps if I explain it this way…many of the pastors in the area are also teachers in the school, who are also the guardians who care for orphans. These people are expected to organize outreach efforts, when they themselves are the people who would also need to receive assistance.

It’s a vicious cycle, and you can see how overwhelming it can be to have a faith that encourages assisting others when you are in fact the person who requires assistance. Often when I sit in church here I am reminded of the story in Luke 21:1-4 about the widow’s offering. In the story the wealthy are putting in their monetary contributions to the temple, and a widow approaches giving two small copper coins, after which Jesus explains that this woman has given more than anything else because she gave all that she had.

Even if many of the Kenyans gave all the they had in faithfulness to the church, it would not be enough to compensate for the needs of the community. Yet, they still give. I imagine it is a much greater sacrifice than any tithe or charity donation that I have ever given. So, what does it mean to be generous? What does it mean to understand all that we have is not truly ours? Knowing how these people live, how can I be a good steward of my resources?

I cannot find words to tell you what it feels like to stand in a mud home where a family of 5-8 lives and tells you about their daily struggles to obtain food, or soap, or a means of light, or shoes, or clothes, or clean water, or medication, knowing that in my backpack I have enough money fix many, if not all of those issues. I would say I feel helpless, but I’m not. Clearly I have the resources. But there are boundaries placed upon me by the project and even if I wanted to help, which family would I choose? Another major issue is the desperation many of these people feel. Desperation causes people to do terrible things. Grandmothers have been known to steal what has been given to grandchildren, etc. Desperation causes people to forget familial or neighborly bonds. It’s not uncommon for families that have received substantial assistance to become victims of robbery or worse. Even if I were to purchase some soap, it may be stolen, and if it isn’t it wouldn’t last forever.

Therein lies the problem.

It would be easy to come in like an American superhero with bags of money, purchase the basic necessities of life and distribute them to those who are in need. Many have done it. Many continue to do it because it’s easy. After doing it you can give yourself a pat on the back and walk away knowing you have made a difference.

I do not mean to belittle such services. They are vital, and they are needed. But they are not enough. I have found myself every day dreaming of ways to provide better access to water, purchase school books, travel from village to village to provide clothes and mend the tattered ones people wear, find resources for soap, fund food programs like Umoja’s lunch program, etc. All of these are needed and all of them would make a difference, but none will inspire long term change. What happens when the items you have purchased are exhausted? What happens when you leave? And if I create these programs, they wouldn’t be indigenous. How would my ideas of standards of living effect the culture? There are ways that helping can hurt…

Kenyans are very familiar with NGOs. All too often they’ve seen groups come with unrealistic expectations of the changes they will make. All too often those NGOs disappear within a few months to two years. This is not to say that these groups don’t help at all, but I’ve heard many stories of Kenyans who are hired to work for such organizations and soon after find themselves without a job again.

There must be systems in place that will create long term independence and sustainability. This area cannot depend forever on the resources of another country. They need someone to come alongside them and give them the tools necessary to provide for themselves. Having the patience for that is taxing because it is not a process that happens quickly.

I am in awe of the model developed by the Umoja Project and the partnership it has created. The faces working here in Kenya are Kenyan. There is an attitude of neighbor supporting neighbor. Because of this, the people in this area have been given hope. They know the project has limited resources, but they have seen the fruits of even a little assistance. As a result, teachers have adopted students who have lost both parents. One head teacher reached into his own pocket to pay for the exam fees of two students who fell just below the cutoff mark for Umoja. Families who are able, pay for the school fees of another child…

Kidogo Kidogo Hujaza Kibaba. Little by little, the pot is filling up. Little by the little the people who were once paralyzed by the amount of need feel the warmth of hope. Little by little, there is progress, there is change.

I think I’ve realized that it is okay to feel overwhelmed, to see the big picture, to understand the great need. Psalm 9:18 says, “God will never forget the needy, the hope of the afflicted will never perish.” There will always be need in the world. However, if we change our perspective, much like Mother Teresa did, and understand we can only do a little, but that our little can change lives, not only would we be more generous, we would have greater wealth.

The Umoja Project provided me with a booklet of reflection questions before I left, and I was looking through it as I struggled to write this blog. I knew I was not the only person who has come to Kenya and wrestled with all of these questions. At the end of the packet there was this poem:

We cannot merely pray to God to end war;
For the world was made in such a way
That we must find out own path of peace
Within ourselves and with our neighbors.
We cannot merely pray to God to root out prejudice;
For we already have eyes
With which to see the good in all people
If we would only use them rightly.
We cannot merely pray to God to end starvation;
For we already have the resources
With which to feed the entire world
If we would only use them wisely.
We cannot merely pray to God to end despair;
For we already have the power
To clear away slums and to give hope
If we would only use our power justly.
We cannot merely pray to God to end disease;
For we already have great minds
With which to search out cures and healings
If we would only use them constructively.
Therefore we pray instead
For strength, determination, and will power,
To do instead of merely to pray
To become instead of merely to wish;
That our world may be safe,
And that our lives may be blessed.
-Rabbi Jack Riemer (adapted)

I cannot say often enough how grateful I am to have so many people in my life who care for and love me. Your support while I’m so far away has been so encouraging. As you pray for Lori and I, I ask that you would pray for those things like strength, determination, and will power, that God would give us words to share our experiences when we return and that we would be given opportunities to continue the relationships we are building and the courage to act differently because of them. I may not be able to change the situation of every Kenyan I meet, but I pray God will use my gifts and give me others I need to grow my passions and enable me to do the work I am called to do.