Brandon Pendry, Duke Divinity School student and 2010 Umoja Project intern 

It came when I least expected it and much harder that I ever could have predicted.

There have been many physically demanding days of long walks in the sun and I knew there would be days where the emotional exhaustion would also drain me. However, no matter how much preparation you think you do, you cannot be ready to have your heart and soul broken down time and time again in the same time, within a matter of a few hours.

Laura and I visited Bar Andingo Primary School in Chulaimbo yesterday at the request and host of Leonard, one of the key Umoja teachers and a man with a heart for OVC’s (Orphans and Vulnerable Children). The visit was good as we got to visit classrooms, interact with the children, play games, see the feeding program, and learn about their IGA (Income Generating Activity) of poultry raising. After all of this and lunch at the school, Leonard took Laura and I on a home visit trip through the Bar Andingo community to visit some of the most vulnerable children.

One boy and his mother live in a “home” that was built only after their father, who abandoned them after a family dispute, was forced to provide timber for a home. This home is made of partially mud and partially plastic walls with all plastic roofing which leaks severely in the rain.

Another home is a home with 5 children, 3 school-aged students being raised by a mother with some degree of handicap. They were the happiest family I have visited here, smiles radiating the entire time we were there, even from the 8 mo old resting in his mother’s arms. Their roof was also very leaky among other things. The joy that this family possessed was inspirational and forced me to really rethink what it means to rejoice in all circumstances.

There are two boys who live with their very old and very sick grandmother, the boys being 13 and 15. The 15 year old just found outrecently that he is HIV positive and will need some psychological counseling to help deal with that realization. Many of these situations involve parents and relatives who have either succumbed to HIV or simply abandoned the families, leaving them very vulnerable.

At nearly every home we visited, shaking hands, listening to stories, and taking pictures, I found myself in a battle with my tear ducts, trying to prevent a torrential downpour. The struggle of situations like these amplifies the difficulty in dealing with theodicy (the problem of evil). It is much easier to sit in a classroom and discuss the theological implications and posit reasons for evil in the world. You can chalk it all up to God being so holy other that we shouldn’t try to comprehend God’s reasons for things, but that doesn’t give an ounce of hope to the 15 year old boy who just found out his life will be prematurely ended.

Ellen talked of coming to Africa and Kenya with an empty suitcase, eager to learn and not to bring all of our preconceived notions of knowledge, God, people, etc. Yesterday, I think God helped me finish the emptying process, clearing out what little knowledge and reason I thought I possessed regarding the problem of evil. This emptiness has forced me to stop relying on what I thought I knew and turn back to God in prayer, relying only on God’s goodness and love to help me understand that which I cannot.

If I wasn’t yet, I am empty now. Praise be to God.